


pull me into your orbit and let's leave light trails in the sky

by WatanabeMaya



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (alternatively; this is known as the fic where kageyama second-guesses himself, College-ish AU, Drinking, Kagehina Exchange, Kagehina Exchange 2015, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Graduation, Summer Holidays, Volleydorks + Alcohol doesnt always make for peaceful reunions, Yaaay my first exchange event EVER, also tsukki is my spirit animal, and does nothing else but call Hinata an idiot and/or dumbass, for 141, how could u not love him, internally angsts, kagehinaexchange, kagehinaexchange2015, kags u dork, p much everyone here is gay (except i guess ennoshita), tall bitter bean of beauty and grace, woohoo how fun)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 05:11:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5484761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatanabeMaya/pseuds/WatanabeMaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How unfortunate it is that though they look at the same sky, Hinata greets the sunrise while Kageyama can only ponder quietly on the transience of daylight.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(“It was like this before, huh? You know…the night before graduation.”<br/>“Mm,” Kageyama replies softly. Quietly. “Yeah.”)</p>
            </blockquote>





	pull me into your orbit and let's leave light trails in the sky

**Author's Note:**

  * For [141](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=141).



> Hello there, exchange event partner 141!! I wrote this fic for you and well idrk what your tastes are but uhm I did my best and I really hope you like it :) i hope we can be friends too now hihihi
> 
>  
> 
> many many maaaany thanks to afternoon rain for being my beta again i swear this fic would have never even seen daylight if not for u ha-chan you are my starlight u made this fic shine so thank youuu for your support and encouragement and wit and commentaries and enlightening grammar lessons hahahah
> 
> +++happy birthday kageyama tobio u beautiful babe of awkwardness and social ineptitude  
> ((i love all the karasuno boys these volleydorks give me LIFE))
> 
> ===
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Haikyuu.

_"This is Kageyama Tobio. Sorry, I'm not available at the moment so just leave a message after the beep."_

_"Hey, Kageyama? It's me. Hinata, I was wondering if y-"_

Click.

_[Message deleted. Proceeding to second item in inbox.]_

_"This is Kageyama Tobio. Sorry, I'm not available at the moment so just leave a message after the beep."_

_"Hello, Kageyama? How are you doing? I hope you're well. This is Sugawara speaking. We're holding a team dinner tomorrow evening as a reunion of sorts at Tanaka's place and I was wondering if you'd like to join us? If you're free, that is! We'd love to have you over; it's been a while since we've seen each other, after all. Thanks, I hope to see you around!"_

Click.

_[Message saved. All inbox items marked as 'read'.]_

 

-x-

 

41 A.S.

 

It is exactly three years, five months, and eighty-six hours since the separation and Kageyama Tobio is at his wit's end.

 

-x-

 

Six truths and a lie:

i.) Hinata moved to Tokyo for university, under a varsity scholarship and a bachelor's degree in sports science. He only revealed the truth about his plans of leaving Miyagi to Kageyama on the eve of their graduation, and there were angry tears and muddled breaths and turbulent emotions all whirring into a hurricane of _what, why, how could you, I'm sorry,_ and, at last, _farewell._ This separation has been marked as the pinnacle of validation for Kageyama's existence, and since then, he has chronicled the rest of his life in terms such as 4 B.S. and 32 A.S., denoting the number of months that have passed before and after their separation.

ii.) At 16 B.S. (sixteen months before separation), Kageyama took up gardening both as a hobby, and as a means to help out with the family business, but had not revealed his secret pastime to anyone but Hinata – and only then it had been by accident. During a particular phone call late in the night, the shelf holding up the equipment in his gardening shelf collapsed, and when Hinata asked the young setter if he was alright because he had heard noises of a ' _zuga!'_ and a ' _dokan!',_ Kageyama promptly replied with an _'oh shit that's probably our hoe gotta check on my junk brb.'_ It took him exactly forty-nine minutes before he was able to get back to his friend. Hinata swears that those were the most agonizing forty-nine minutes of his youth, and Kageyama remembers overhearing the sound of muted sniffles from beyond the telephone receiver, before he finally decided to 'fess up to his 'sins.'

iii.) Kageyama enrols in _Miyagi Daigaku,_ under the School of Food, Agriculture, and Environmental Sciences. He also joins the university volleyball team and becomes a regular setter just in time for the first major tournament of the season. His teammates, though skilled, were unable to keep up with his demands. Some claim that he regressed back to his personality as 'King of the Court.' _Why won't you run? Why can't you move faster? Why won't you catch my toss?_ Kageyama thinks to himself, not quite out loud. He can't help but wonder, perhaps, how differently things would have been if he still had had him then.

At 27 A.S. (twenty-seven months after separation), Kageyama Tobio hands in his letter of resignation and finally quits the team.

iv.) In truth, Kageyama Tobio has never really liked Hinata Shouyo since their first meeting. He's loud, rambunctious, impulsive, and almost feral on the battlefield that is their court - a stark contrast to the cool and composed strategic method of play that Kageyama prefers to utilize to his benefit in a match.

v.) In truth, Kageyama Tobio has always loved Hinata Shouyo since their first meeting. He's loud, rambunctious, impulsive, and almost feral on the battlefield that is their court - the perfect complement to the cool and composed strategic method of play that Kageyama prefers to utilize to his benefit in a match.

vi.) Ever since Kageyama moved into an apartment closer to the university, the Hinata household (namely, Mrs. Hinata and Natsu) has been looking out for him almost as though he'd been one of their own kin. While Kageyama appreciates this gesture, he always feels a little guilty because of it. It wasn't always like this, though. He was initially all-out against the entire thing ( _because really Mrs. Hinata_ , he often reasoned, _there's no need to go so out of the way, I'll be fine_ ), until one particular exam week (midterms, to be exact, he remembers) in the second semester of his first year left him bedridden with the world's worst flu and a dangerously pirouetting temperature (of what exact degree he either didn't know, remember, or even bother to check), that Natsu – his newfound _self_ - _appointed_ best friend – had to come over with a plastic bag full of groceries, a Tupperware of her mom's _okayu,_ and a thermos of _miso_ soup. It was only then that Kageyama had learned, in the middle of swapping his worn-out fever patch for a newer one, to allow himself to indulge for a moment and be more grateful with the little blessings in his life.

vii.) Kageyama always errs on the side of caution when dealing with Natsu. He avoids confrontation like he does a plague, and he doesn't bother to bat an eye or at the very least a subtle, second glance, when she passes his way. The most he can do when they meet eyes is offer a prompt nod or mutter a _thank you for the food_ when she drops by to do deliveries and then wait and pray to the _Kami-sama_ above until enough time passes and they both go their separate ways. Once, on the third day of exams before the winter holidays, he ran into the younger Hinata at the intersection of Coach Ukai's family store and San-Choume as he was walking back from the university. She greeted him with a chipper " _Tobio-nii!"_ and Kageyama waved back, quickly averted his gaze, and impulsively detoured by running five laps back and forth before deciding to take the longer, more scenic route on his way home.

(Their resemblance is striking. Natsu looks at him just like her big brother Shouyo does – with radiance and star shine and sunlight caught in her eyes, febrile and burning all too bright in a way that it terrifies him, immensely, so much that Kageyama can do nothing when he falls quiet and trembles and nearly chokes in the cold.)

(Really, the absence of _him_ is far too stifling.)

 

-x-

 

He finds himself at the Tanaka residence sixteen hours and fifty-two minutes later, a paper bag from _Uncle Tetsu's Finest Cheesecakes_ in his hands for the potluck celebration. (Was it a potluck? He wasn't sure, but it was better to be safe than sorry, Kageyama reasons, and he never really bothered to call Suga back to check.)

Sixteen hours, fifty-two minutes, and thirty-three seconds later, the door is opened and he is welcomed by Saeko-neesan – who all too gleefully takes the bag of cheesecake from his hands – and a half-apologetic Sugawara, the latter of the two mumbling a soft _I'm sorry this was the only way_ with that coy smile of his before heading (back?) towards Daichi's direction. Kageyama is confused at the remark, and opens his mouth in an attempt to ask, before his gaze catches sight of a familiar mop of ginger-red passing by and his body stiffens cold, and his eyes go wide.

Hinata is _here_.

He is finally, _finally_ here.

His eyes are brighter, his hair still unkempt but a tad bit longer, and _dear god,_ Kageyama can't help but scream internally, did his muscles get _bigger?_ He wonders how the smallness of Hinata's back had grown to seem so broad and strong now. He wonders what had happened all this time, forty-one months after their separation – the food he ate, the balls he'd spiked, the miles he ran, the sights he saw, the memories he's made – all the little things piling up in his new universe and replacing what once was _theirs_. Gone is the scrawny child from when they were still fifteen, those lanky limbs and fragile bones and boyish charms, replaced by a man who seems to Kageyama like a stranger, yet, beautiful still. For Hinata is here, at last, and it's beautiful, and it's wonderful, and _and_ —

_And it's terrifying._

"Yo, Kageyama!" two voices call out to him in near unison and the raven-haired boy gratefully accepts the reprieve to talk to his former seniors instead.

" _Osu,_ Tanaka-senpai; Noya-san," he answers back, greeting them with a polite yet prompt bow. Nishinoya slaps him on the back in a friendly gesture of sorts, but the force applied is a little too hard compared to what Kageyama's used to and he stumbles lightly at the contact. Tanaka helps steady him on his feet, and proceeds to give him a _noogie,_ yet another one of those friendly and familiar gestures of sorts that their team had formed and never quite let go of over the years. They're exchanging news about college experiences and career paths and _how have you been_ 's, before segueing to idle gossip on pop idols, video game releases, and new restaurant branches. Nobody talks about high school.

Neither one of them ever mentions volleyball.

(Kageyama knows that many years ago, the sport had been his defining characteristic – that discussing volleyball was like discussing the freak quick duo, and therefore, by association, uttering volleyball was just the same as uttering _Hinata Shouyo_. It is by this mere observation – the lack of conversation about the sport that brought them together – Kageyama realizes that by now, they had all known.)

Asahi approaches their small triad to give his greetings and that leads to the four of them catching up some more. Tanaka, a little red in the face, begins boasting about his attempts to woo his darling Kiyoko with his so-called awe-inspiring, albeit drunken, state of manliness. Nishinoya laughs at this a tad bit too loudly, calling Tanaka lame and corny and _oh my god you're such a loser_. Asahi chides the latter for his insults and for drinking too much, and proceeds to wriggle the can of Yebisu out of the former libero's grasp.

"Oh, but you can help yourself to some drinks in the fridge if you'd like, Kageyama," Asahi tells him then, ever so considerate and thoughtful about the welfare of the other.

"Door to the kitchen's the one on the left," Tanaka augments kindly. "Bathroom's at the end of the hall if you ever need it."

The former setter nods and takes the instructions to heart. "Er…thanks, _senpai._ "

He heads to the dining area instead and sees the rest of the team gathered around the table. Ennoshita, Narita, and Kinoshita are sipping beers and discussing tournament statistics; Ukai and Takeda are sitting close to one another, the blond attempting to wrap his arm around the shoulder of the bespectacled teacher, who is – undoubtedly and regretfully, Kageyama notes – oblivious, and are listening to Hinata animatedly spewing things like _they asked me what sports drinks I liked that helped keep me energized but I told them I didn't take any and they looked at me like WTF woooAAH and then during our training session_ _I told them to go from pampampam to gwuuoooOOOOo but instead they went from nyoOOOM to fwoOOOoosh and it was amazing!_ Kiyoko and Yachi are the only ones who wave at him to say hello, but don't say much else because they are engrossed in a conversation about hair care and some plans about heading to a nail spa tomorrow. Kageyama makes an effort to walk all the way to the farthest end, and plops down on the seat next to Tsukishima and Yamaguchi.

The blond blocker shoots him a sharp look of disgust, before giving him a clipped: _What are you doing?_

"…Sorry," Kageyama mumbles, not quite answering the taller boy's question – because honestly, he doesn't really know either. "Is this seat taken?"

"Well…no, it isn't—"

"Then can I sit next to you? Puh…P-Please?"

Tsukishima's ears perk up at the sound.

" _Ohoho_? Are my ears playing tricks on me or did I just hear _the_ Kageyama say ' _please'_? Is the mighty king expressing humility of some sort? Desperation? Dependence? On _me_ of all people? What is with this development?" He smirks, leering and condescending. "Look, Yamaguchi. It might even snow tomorrow…"

Kageyama slumps in his seat, stares down on the ground, and apologizes again. "Sorry, it's just…Hinata…I can't face him…not yet, I—"

"Dear _god_ , you sound pathetic," Tsukishima chides, "What are you? A grade-schooler? A blushing maiden with a crush?"

"That's not very nice, Tsukki," Yamaguchi scolds, before turning his attention to Kageyama. "Sorry about that, don't mind him. How are you, Kageyama? What're you studying in university?"

"B.S. Farming," Tsukishima sneers, a jab to his pride.

"It's not farming, it's agricultural science," Kageyama clarifies, "A _science!"_ he very nearly hollers and repeats for emphasis.

"Nothing more than just soil and weed to me."

"Shut up," Kageyama retorts, and makes an effort to rise from his seat. He heads to the kitchen in search of another drink. (He could really use the alcohol tonight, to be honest.)

 

-x-

 

(In the other room, a myriad of voices can be heard, in a clutter, in a tumult, and a pandemonium all at once.)

("Sorry, Daichi! It's not what it looks like—" he hears Asahi say.

"Yeah, _senpai._ It doesn't look like Asahi and I were just about to have sex on your couch," Noya chips in.

"But that's exactly what it looks like," Daichi remarks, deadpan. "Also, that's not my couch. It's Tanaka's."

"No, but seriously, Daichi. You've got it all wrong!"

"Oh really?" A hum.

"Yes!" Asahi pleads.

"Yeah," Noya supplements.

"It's really not what you think it is."

"Then what was it?"

"Well," Nishinoya begins to explain, "we were just cuddling in the room 'cause we were alone…. when Asahi kissed me and I kissed him back and he told me that he wanted to take it to the next step and he asked me really nicely about it too so I said okay and then we started getting to it when you suddenly came in and so I—"

He hears the sound of crushing metal and a tossed aside beer can before the two other voices are muted and his captain takes command.

"Then it's exactly what I think it is!")

( _An anarchy,_ Kageyama thinks.)

 

-x-

 

He chances upon Sugawara again upon entering the kitchen.

"Sugawara-senpai _?_ What are you doing here alone?"

"Oh, nothing much…or rather, nothing important. Come, sit by me." The silver-haired setter calls him over with a wave of his hand and asks him with a smile, "So have you two talked yet?"

"No—"

"Why not?"

"Because, er…there's no need to. It's not like he wants to talk to me either. It's fine…"

"And what makes you say that? How sure are you that he doesn't want to talk to you?"

Kageyama shakes his head and averts his gaze. His hands fiddle with the hem of his shirt. A stray thread sticks out, and he tugs at it.

"He seems pretty happy on his own. Haven't you seen him talk to the others? He doesn't need me any—"

"I don't think he's that happy, you know," Sugawara tells him all of a sudden and Kageyama snaps out of his stupor, perplexed. "Not like this."

"You're just saying that, senpai _._ Really, it's fine," the ebony-haired boy insists. "We're fine as we are—"

"Listen, Kageyama. I don't take loss very well," Sugawara looks at him sadly, two hands curling up around the glass in his hold. It's like looking in a rain cloud; Kageyama thinks when he turns to look at Sugawara in the eye – with specks of grey like fog and misting irises, remnants of empathy pitter-pattering like glass shards and crystal dewdrops. His senior turns to him and his gaze softens – like his voice – as he speaks. "In fact, I don't think anyone does, really. We all hurt when someone goes away, be it of a passing, or of a distance in our lives. There will always be pain. Some people just manage to hide it better, I believe, and Hinata just happens to be one of them."

"What do you mean, _senpai?"_

"I mean you two should really just talk."

 _Not now,_ Kageyama wants to argue, wants to reason out that he isn't ready, that his heart can barely even handle the thought of dealing with this kind of pressure, and that he highly doubts that he ever will be ready. It's like a thunderstorm has taken over his chest and he feels himself fall flat, frozen in time and caught in a standstill, a deadlock; a morass of excuses flitting to and fro, in and out of his mind. _I can't do this yet—_

"The sooner you overcome your challenges, the lesser the pain you'll have to face," Sugawara beams encouragingly at him. "Once you've gone through the worst of it, then there's nothing left to lose. Isn't that what you taught Hinata as well? Back in first year?"

"Yes, but—"

"You two have been through the best and worst of things together, so now there's nothing for you to be afraid of. Talk to him. Or, at the very least, just _try_ ," he pats his junior on the back and gestures to the plate on the countertop. He's about to leave. "I'll give these muffins over to Daichi and the others, alright? Those guys can't just drink alcohol all night; they need some food in their systems too. Good luck, Kageyama!"

Kageyama stands motionless, alone in the kitchen. He helps himself to a pork bun, a beer can, and to a platter full of thoughts. Nine minutes, five seconds, and point-zero-three milliseconds is all it takes for the former setter to process his emotions, relive old conversations, and remember that moment the orange-haired boy served a ball to his head back in freshman year before he realizes that his upperclassman was right.

_What's the worst that can happen?_

 

-x-

 

Case in point: _this_.

 _This is the worst that could happen_ , the zaffre-eyed boy realizes, when he steps out of the kitchen and back into the dining hall. Hinata is lying in a puddle of drool, overturned bottle of sake in his hands, flushed and grinning from ear to ear.

"It can't be anyone else but you," Daichi announces and directs his steeled gaze straight into the other's eyes. " _Kageyama_."

" _What_?! Why me?" Kageyama asks, appalled, to which Tsukishima mutters an exasperated _oh for fuck's sake_ as he downs a glass of water and rolls his eyes.

"Ish ohggkey…" the auburn-haired boy slurs. He wobbles from his seat and attempts to walk, but stumbles at the first step. Sugawara helps him before he falls, and guides him back to his seat from where he stands. "I…can gwu…by my…myshewlf…" They hear him mumbling softly in a daze. The epitome of wasted.

Kageyama pleads, "What about Narita-senpai?"

"Already left," Daichi replies.

"And Ennnoshita-senpai?"

"Went with Kinoshita. Apparently he still had to go to the airport to pick up Yui…?"

"Yui?"

"Ennoshita's girlfriend. The one from the girls' volleyball team back in Karasuno; she's flying back from Hokkaido. It's been four months I think. Turns out they had something brewing for a while now."

"Ah _."_

"Asahi and Noya are…doing god knows what. Kiyoko's driving Yachi home, and Coach Ukai already left with Takeda-sensei. Said something about how they still have work to do tomorrow morning—"

(They overhear the shout of a very excited _Rolling…Thunder!_ And a very worried, _no don't hurt yourself Yuu no don't—!_ coupled by a loud crash in the other room. Their captain winces, as though in pain. Kageyama pays them no mind.)

Sugawara takes this as his chance to pipe in, snaking his hands around the older boy's arms, "And I'll be heading to Daichi's in a bit, so we'll be walking in a separate direction. Besides, you live closest to Hinata don't you?"

"I moved," Kageyama answers back, "Yamaguchi's actually nearer to Hinata's place than I am. Why not Yamaguchi?"

Tsukishima points to the freckled boy, head lolling to the side as he sits passed out on the couch.

"And before you even bother to ask," the tall blond counters, readying his headphones as he prepares to leave, "my answer to you is _no_. I'll be busy sending Yamaguchi home. Go resolve your homosexual tension on your own terms. I don't want to be part of your cheap angsty high school drama rerun."

"See, Kageyama?" Daichi tells him then, approaching his figure and resting a friendly hand on his shoulder as Suga proceeds to flash him that same half-apologetic _I'm sorry this was the only way_ smile Kageyama recognizes from earlier. "You're the best man for the job."

 

-x-

 

Two hours. Two hours until Hinata sobers up and then they begin walking home.

They're talking now. Finally. Or at the very least, Hinata is. Kageyama isn't doing that much besides dropping an occasional question here and there or nodding at the other boy's remarks. He lets Hinata ramble on for as much as he'd like – which is more than the usual, given the alcohol that's still in his system.

"You know, last time I remember seeing her, Natsu would only reach my hips. But now she's as tall as up to _here,_ " he exclaims, gesturing to the space below his chin. "She's getting really prettier now too. I'm sure she'll grow to be a fine young lady someday. It makes me so glad to see her grow like that oh man, I'm so proud—"

"Mm," is all he offers as a response.

"Boo, Kageyama." Hinata sticks his tongue out. "Is that really all you have to say? Oh but well yeah I guess it's not that surprising since you see her more often than I do, so I guess you're used to seeing how she looks as she grows… by the way, I heard you quit volleyball. Is that true?"

"Mm."

"Why'd you quit Kageyama? I don't really understand. I mean yeah sure you'll probably say that you have your own reasons, like you'll need time to study because your grades are bad, but it's not like you're failing anyway, right? At least, I heard that you were okay. Nobody told me about you failing. So like…why, Kageyama? Why would you leave volleyball? Why would you stop playing? Is it my fault? Did I have anything to do with it?"

"No," he huffs and clicks his tongue, scrambling around to find the right words to express his reasons. "It…it doesn't matter."

"But you don't understand!" Hinata almost cries. "It _does_. This is _volleyball_ , Kageyama. Of course it matters. Don't you love volleyball? I love volleyball. I thought you did too. Did you? Don't you? Why don't you, anymore? I just don't get it."

"Uh, the team dynamics were shit. We couldn't play well together, so I chose to quit. I still love volleyball, okay? Just not their volleyball. I think this is a good enough reason. I don't really want to talk about it anymore."

" _Oh,"_ Hinata replies, a little crestfallen, "okay then." Kageyama takes this as his cue to change the topic and ask him another question. Or two.

"Tell me, Hinata. How's _your_ volleyball? What's your team like in Tokyo?"

"Oh!" his face brightens. "It's pretty cool actually. We'd go from like _gwaaa_ to _kapowww_ to _zuboonnnn!_ It's all so different there. It's so different from how we used to play in Karasuno," Hinata explains, in his usual expressive, almost-childlike way that Kageyama can't help but think fondly of. And then it clicks, all so simply, the realization dawning on him like raindrops on hibiscus petals in the aftermath of a storm:

_It's different from how I used to be with you._

 

( _It's not the same without you too,_ Kageyama thinks. Even though he probably won't say it out loud.)

 

-x-

 

Two streets and half a kilometre later, Hinata tells him that they should stop.

"I'm okay now, you don't have to walk me anymore. I can go home by myself."

"No can do," Kageyama retorts. "You're drunk and I have to drag your scrawny ass home. Daichi-senpai told me to. Captain's orders."

"But I'm not that drunk anymore," the smaller boy reasons.

"You still aren't walking straight."

"Kageyamaaaa," he whines.

"Plus with your size, and given what happened earlier, I'm a hundred percent sure you're a lightweight. Better that I'm here to watch out for you in case you keel over or pass out wasted on the street. Daichi-senpai will kill me if that happens. Sugawara-senpai will too."

"Bakageyama! I'm not that weak. Plus, I'm bigger now. I'm four centimeters taller!"

"Still not taller than me though," Kageyama rebuffs, and instantly shoots the other boy down.

And all of a sudden they are seventeen again. Seventeen and naïve and messily fumbling with their emotions, like lanky teenagers with their chaotic bedrooms and even more chaotic lives, tugging on frayed heartstrings, words tumbling out of them, awkward, rambling, plethoric, run-on – like off-set balls and haphazard spikes, heated drivels of youth and hoarse-voiced battle cries. Kageyama remembers linoleum floors and the cramped space of the high school locker room; black and orange uniforms; clothes tossed aside; sweat – beads of it – dripping, staining, and falling, in patterns, on the floor. He traces a constellation in the sky.

"I heard you can't see the stars in Tokyo. Is that true?"

"Mm," Hinata responds, his voice a lilt, almost singsong. "Kinda. Well, uh, I mean you can still see them. But not like this."

"How come?"

"Something to do with pollution I think," the auburn-haired boy explains. "And bright lights; the city's got too many of them – lampposts and billboards and neon signs and all that. Like yeah, sure, they're pretty nice, and convenient, too, sometimes, but then they end up outshining the stars in the evening, so you pretty much just end up forgetting that they're there in the first place. Unless you scrunch up your eyes like this and look up _reaaally_ hard and— hey, Kageyama, what time is it?"

"It's like a quarter past three in the morning, why?"

"'Cause look! The sun's coming up soon! Make a wish with me!"

"You do that during the New Year, not the middle of June, idiot. God, you are so wasted."

"I told you, I'm not!"

"Then you're a dumbass then. Dumbass Hinata."

"You're mean, Bakageyama. It won't hurt to wish now, right? Let's make our own tradition, then. C'mon. It'll be fun. Like this," the smaller boy urges, puppy-dog eyes and all. Hinata curls his index finger against his thumb, tries to catch the first rays of sunlight in the interstice, and squints; bright amber eyes daring to peek through the spaces between his grasp, at the spectacle of stars scattered in the vast blanket of the early morning's horizon. Kageyama looks up wordlessly, hands in his pockets, a silent prayer forming on his lips – four decibels short of a whisper – a hopeful desire for the night to never end.

How unfortunate it is that though they look at the same sky, Hinata greets the sunrise while Kageyama can only ponder quietly on the transience of daylight.

 

-x-

 

("It was like this before, huh? You know…the night before graduation."

" _Mm_ ," Kageyama replies softly. Quietly. " _Yeah_.")

 

-x-

 

The rest of their journey passes by them in silence. They make a right turn, then reach an intersection, nearly climb uphill after they pass the post office, and then go left at the park. It's like drifting through a realm of nostalgia, the painful familiarity of taking a trip down memory lane, the feel of the asphalt grinding their shoes the same way it did three…four…five years ago: high school students racing up and down the hill in an attempt to reach the school campus – and more specifically, the gym – in time for early morning practice.

"Hey, Kageyama?" Hinata pipes up and calls his attention. "Can I just say something?"

Kageyama hums, but doesn't bother to look him in the eye. They turn left at one corner, and proceed to walk straight for the rest of the way.

"You know…"

"…"

"I—"

"…"

"About…about last time, I—"

"…"

"I'm sorry, I—"

"…"

"Kageyama?"

"…We're here," the taller boy says at last, his tone abrupt, bringing his footsteps to a halt as Hinata follows his gaze and Kageyama turns to his side and thinks to himself, in a state of near disbelief, that at last, finally, this was the _end._

(Of course this would reach its end, he realizes bitterly. There would always be an end. Everything ends, at some point. It had to. Even this journey. Even them.)

(Even if, Kageyama admits, that he did in fact decide for the two of them to wander around and take the longer, more scenic path as they walked en route to Hinata's home.)

 

-x-

 

"Are your parents home?"

"Nah, just Natsu."

"Should I ring the doorbell?"

"No, it's fine. There's a spare under the mat."

"Will you be okay?"

"Yeah."

"Can you handle yourself?"

"Yeah."

"Alright."

"Okay."

"Well then…"

"Then?"

"Then I'll go now—"

There's a soft tug at the hem of his shirt right before he turns to walk away and Kageyama stops, freezes, and holds in a breath.

"Kageyama?"

"What is it?"

"I…I t-think," Hinata says, in the most inadvertent and inarticulate way humanly possible, "that perhaps…I may have… accidentally…uhm, stupidly…and…and very much…ah…er, irrevocably…have fallen in…uh….in _like_ with you."

Kageyama feels his face flush with heat and the humid summer air suddenly feels so much warmer than before. There's a tightness in his chest which is probably from holding his breath all the while and his lungs are begging for air and his mind is spiralling into some anxious insanity and it's dizzying and mortifying and Kageyama can't seem to process the words nor fathom the right thoughts nor understand the complex propensity of his f—

"Dumbass," the taller boy scoffs and says at last. He is shocked. Stunned. _Hurt_? Neither one of them can tell. The expression on his face is blank, dark eyes void of emotion, a clear betrayal to the turmoil he feels in the tight cage of his chest. He averts his gaze, fixing it down onto the ground. Grimaces. "You don't know what you're saying."

"No, I _do_ know," Hinata retorts, adamant. "You probably thought I was running away back then. Heck, I probably think that the past me was running away too. It's just, when you told me a-about, uh, your…erm… f-f-fe- _feelings_ , I kind of just…well…I guess I didn't know what to do…. I was still scared then, and so I—"

Then Kageyama turns to look him in the eye, his voice quiet and thin like a smattering of glass beating against marble skies, heart loud like a pounding drum on circus grounds and festival nights, and asks, "But are you still scared now?"

Hinata gulps, hesitant. Lips pursed paper-thin. He nods.

And at last, the raven-haired boy manages a weak smile.

"It's okay, idiot. I am too."

A soft pat on the head. A ruffle of the other's hair. Kageyama leans closer to tell him that _it's okay, it's over now so that doesn't matter anymore does it_ but as soon as he opens his mouth to speak, he feels a quick tug on his collar, the sudden taste of _sake_ on his breath, and the sensation of Hinata's chapped lips pressed hotly against his.

Hinata is like fire, a bright and luminescent yet flickering flame, powerful but hesitant, and Kageyama feels it in their locked lips and their clasped hands and their mingling breaths. There's a searing heat that spreads from his chest all the way to the crevices of his hands and the lines of his palms and the edges of his fingertips. But Hinata doesn't stop – not now, not yet – and neither does Kageyama. Instead, he kindles the flame, nurtures the spark, lets it grow and blaze and flare up his insides, as the taste of Hinata burns him, mercilessly, down to very pit of his core. And then softly, gently, hesitantly— he pulls _away_.

"No," he murmurs, eyes dark and pleading, "don't. Don't do this to me, Hinata. You're drunk."

"But so are you," the other boy reasons.

"No, I'm not."

"Then I'm not either."

"What the fuck kind of reasoning is that, dumbass Hinata?"

"A perfectly logical one," the redhead huffs, indignant, "because I know for a fact that you're lying."

"Hm? How so?"

"Because I can taste the sake on your lips, _duh_. Bakageyama."

"That's _your_ sake, idiot. You were the one who kissed me."

"Oh. Right."

"Idiot."

"Only idiots call other people 'idiots,' idiot!"

"…Or so says the idiot."

"You're the idiot, idiot."

He's looking at wide amber eyes and all-too-eager lips and Kageyama can't help but think about this boy, traces of moonlight falling squarely on his shoulders, his existence a reflection of nostalgic warmth paralleled by that of halcyon days and golden sunshine. He nuzzles his face closer, takes in the other's scent, the musk and the tears, and he drowns himself in remembering this feeling, the wanting, the needing, the urging, the pleading, the yearning to be pressed closer closer closer _closer_ —

_Tell me my darling, why did you ever let me go?_

"…Kageyama?" the smaller boy asks him at last. "What's wrong?"

There's a pause, and then—

"Nothing," he says.

"But you're making a weird face. Do you need to throw up? Are you okay?"

 _Of course I'm not okay I'm in love with you, idiot,_ Kageyama wants to tell him, again, after he's pined after him for so long. _I love you and I have loved you, have done so for a long time now and no matter what I will keep on at it; because I will love you as I have loved you, for now and for always and to the moon and back—_

He shakes his head.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm fucking sure," he whispers and demands in a voice so resolute: "Now shut up and kiss me harder, idiot."

And so Hinata does.

 

-x-

 

(The world is always so much brighter when you hold your head up high.)

 

-x-

 

When they break apart for the last time, Hinata moans a little, gasps for air and then asks, breathless and wavering, uncertain and unsure, "So what's gonna happen now? For us, I mean…wait, are we an 'us' now?"

Tobio blushes at the question, startled, and he stutters, "Of c-co-course w-we are, idiot." His heart rattles in his bones and he feels his pulse race at the thought. "I- I mean," he augments as an afterthought. "If you want us to be," he manages.

"I do I _do_!" Hinata beams like a glowing ball of ultraviolet kicked into orbit and Kageyama feels himself pulled unresistingly into the other boy's gravity, boring into the gaze of childlike eyes – warm like honey, familiar like home – twinkling bright and tourmaline and hopeful beneath the rays of the four a.m. sunrise.

**Author's Note:**

> wuhu idk what happened but well there u go hahaha i tried this is my first time writing for the fandom so like idk and this was terribly terribly cheesy i know but i figured i shouldn't let my inner satan show /too much/ because this is a christmas gift after all hahaha i hope you all enjoyed and thank you very much for taking the time to read this humble event entry of mine <3 god bless and take care everyone, enjoy the holidays (and please do leave a review they mean so so sooo much to me)!!
> 
>  
> 
> I wonder if you guys were able to figure out which one the lie was in that 6+1 list of mine. :-)  
> [bc of popular demand, my bff beta ha-chan persuaded me to mention this so like...here's a hint: It's neither (iv) nor (v) despite how they seem to starkly contrast with each other, but that was the whole point of why i listed them there. emotions are almost always confusing things. love and hate are two sides of the same coin, because the true opposite of a great and powerful emotion such as love is, in fact, the lack of it - aka: apathy.]


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